There’s nothing like a weekend of anatomy and physiology to make you appreciate the human body. It’s a startlingly complex system and it’s amazing that that vast proportion of the body’s processes work pretty much perfectly in so much of the population. A little page turning in an anatomy and physiology textbook is enough to get you over your cellulite (just about).
What a week! Female hormones cannot be underestimated, especially those caused by the body readjusting itself after a good 10 years of being on The Pill. It’s been messy, to say the least, and I’m not sure the next few months are going to be any better. Here’s what I learnt (in between the crying):
- I prefer aggressive to passive aggressive
- I am a freelancer and have my own businesses for very good reasons, many of which relate to being unable to tolerate micromanagement by control freaks and office politics
- I’m good and proper tired. I managed to relish in eustress for a good while, but now I’ve hit distress
- I’m about to embark on a little dietary experiment – I want to cut out all processed goodies and sugar and stimulants, and see what happens to my practice and my mood. I’m loath to begin the process though – I know it’s not going to be too much fun – but hopefully the benefits will reveal themselves asap
- I have a brand new business idea buzzing around my head and I’m getting excited – this might be just the thing to tie everything together (and it’s awesome that it all feels like it’s coming together as I approach 30!)
- The need for physical contact cannot be underestimated
- I love this exhibition: HORSE. It’s the stomping hooves, chomping jaws, soft muzzles, liquid eyes, twitching muscles, flicking tails, hot breath and clip-clop of horse shoes on tar roads that I miss
- It’s only when people are real, in all their vulnerability and insecurity and fear, that we feel like we really know and love them. And it’s only when we are real with other people, even if we worry that they’ll think less of us or that we’ll be ‘too much’ or ‘too exposed’ that we become fully present and real ourselves
- My practice is my number one priority
- Craniosacral therapy is so very odd – I hate that I’m not “good” at it, that it works almost fully in metaphors that I don’t really get it just yet – CST is based to some extent in medicine and the body’s physical structures, but also so much of it is allegorical, layered, bizarre and inexplicable, while at the same time being sometimes tangible and revealing real results. It’s straight weird!
I’ve outdone myself this year. And now my body is outdone. A couple of months with Olivier, travelling Ashtanga teacher, and I feel like I need a long moment on my bed. Ahimsa may need to be reevaluated.
My week/weekend (despite lack of sleep) was a very cool one. Here’s a recap:
- There’s such a thing as too much yoga
- Teaching kids makes me happy (although I’m still feeling stressed about being “fun enough”)
- It’s almost time for my 30th birthday and although I’m feeling freaked out about aging, I’m also relieved that this year has been one where so many things have come together (and apart) for me. Finally I’m able to balance happiness and sadness, and feel deep-down that my days are filled with the ‘right’ things and people
- The desire to leave SA is still strong, but I’ve come to realise that I enjoy the depth of relationships I have when I’m at home – I’m not really a skipping along the surface kind of person
- There’s a tension in the air at the moment – not necessarily a bad one, just a stretched feeling, as though everyone is being pushed into discomfort. Without a doubt this year people are having to deal with their shit
- Coldplay push my melancholy button in just the right way
We're at Coldplay!
- A musician on stage is an irresistible aphrodisiac
- Everyday I become more aware of the many layered nature of yoga – the benefits are immediate, but the deeper layers of the practice take years to reveal themselves, possibly because it takes years to become aware of the subtleties
- Once is a mistake, twice is a choice
- Next year is the year I buy a horse
It was quite a weekend. Here goes:
- Once again I am reminded about how much I love my friends. They make me laugh until my face hurts. And they think I’m funny. Score.
- Teaching yoga really is awesome. I love seeing people experience what I feel, and watching them connecting with their own bodies.
- Internal dialogues. Phew. I made this decision over the weekend: you can choose to be fucked up about something, or not. I’m choosing not.
- Things change. I know that’s not terribly profound, but sometimes I don’t think we really get it. You can’t live in nostalgia and think the present reality will feel the same as it did in the past. It really doesn’t. And sometimes that’s so very sad, and you really miss how things used to feel and be between you and someone else; but maybe the changes also help you to move on.
- You’ve really got to be pretty damn bloody certain when you marry someone that they satisfy you on all the levels you need to be satisfied on – make sure the big, important boxes are checked. Otherwise you have a recipe for disaster.
- No matter how good things feel between you and someone else, sometimes it just doesn’t work out. This is a tough one for the stubborn romantic in me, but I just keep repeating: Never make someone your priority when you are their option. True story.
- Sex can just be sex; and then it’s a purely physical process and about satisfying biological needs. Great sex is about connecting, energy swapping, making oneself vulnerable, sharing, and of course orgasm … and then all the closeness that comes after. I think the great sex is what we are addicted to – the rush of hormones, the thrill of connecting with someone, the affirmation of reciprocated desire, the elevation beyond biological to the place where you think someone might just get you.
I had a weekend that involved a lot of wine. Now, I like wine – I love trying new wines, be they white or red, and tasting the subtle flavours of each new glass – and I love the comfort of a glass of an old favourite. But I’m beginning to think that I like being drunk less and less. And maybe wine is a particular kind of drunk; where whiskey may be a more polite kind of inebriated, wine is a frayed around the edges kind of drunk that quickly goes from giggly to foot-in-mouth and overly acidic.
When I woke up yesterday (with a big thirst on me and a post-party depression that only a severe hangover can induce), I began to think that maybe it’s time to put aside drinking to excess. Perhaps it’s the amount of yoga I’ve been doing, or a month of teacher training, but I can see why yogis don’t drink. It’s the lack of control I don’t like – control of my speech, control of my limbs, control of my memory. I hate feeling like I’ve had a meaningful conversation with someone, but being unable to remember quite what was said … and if what I said was something I would say sober. It’s also the way my body feels the next day (dire) and the fact that I feel like I’ve poisoned myself a bit.
It’s that moderation thing I guess – I don’t really want to be drinking sparkling water at a party; it just isn’t the same, and not from a peer-pressure point of view, but rather from a wavelength and stamina one. Let’s face it – alcohol is fun. I think I just might enjoy it more if I took to heart the glass of booze, glass of water imbibing pattern!
Monday reading here: my winter wish list.
Crikey. This week has flown by! It’s Thursday already!
Feeling pretty introspective. I’ve been thinking a lot about romantic love the past few weeks. I read an interesting article in UK Vogue yesterday about “settling”. We’re taught never to settle. That settling for a man who isn’t Prince Charming or Mr 100% Right is wrong, and that we’re compromising ourselves and setting ourselves up for a marriage of dull lovelessness. I’m fully aware of the unrealistic romantic ideas that are instilled in little girls’ heads from the moment they can understand fairy tales, and I have to agree with Vogue – settling for 80% of the attributes one wants from a husband doesn’t sound all that bad. As long as the big ones – honesty, fidelity, respect, equality and non-abusive behaviour are met. Oh, and physical attraction, albeit that attraction changes its nature and focus over time. It’s a hard one though – do you make the decision consciously to settle, or is it something that happens after years of deciding not to settle (and to find someone else?).
Wearing slippers, baggy jeans and a sample tee from the summer range.
Looking different. Extensions were added yesterday and I’m feeling full- and heavy-headed. They’re very cool. I have to say though that the extravagance and unnecessary indulgence makes me feel a little uncomfortable.
Thinking about work and the fact that my BFF is moving to Denmark in about two weeks. That is something I’m blocking out! I’m also thinking about how much chocolate I’ve consumed in the last week…seriously, sugar is very bad!
Happy about my yoga practice this morning! No amount of trying gets jump backs happening, and only sometimes does a jump through occur, but, yay, two postures from second series have been added! AND, I managed not to rip out my new extensions when I jammed by calf behind my head (and tried to look comfortable!).
Wishing the lure of biting my nails would vanish in a big puff of acetone. And that I could raid Weylandts!
Today I’m…running off to Doornfontein for a meeting, and dropping off stock.
I’m feeling…like someone let all the air out of my tyres.
I wish…the FWJ studio was finished and I could start with the fun stuff – wallpaper, painting and decorating. And that I had a horse again. I miss riding *sniff*
I’m loving…the Boyfriend. Just because.
Tomorrow…we’re having a Christmas in July dinner party. I was hoping it’d be a completely vegetarian affair. Alas, not.
My to-do list…is lengthy, and I keep moving things to tomorrow’s list.
I’m hating…my hair, my dry-as-a-bone-skin and my winter wardrobe.
Last night…I ate pizza and went to a wine tasting. 16 wines and the dessert wine at the end was my favorite. DELISH.
I’m looking forward to…yoga tonight. I will have to muster some serious energy though.
Thank God for…tea.
How are you today?