A feel like buying a new pair – four is just not enough.
Images via High Snobiety and Converse Japan (awesome)
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Scandinavian dreaming
27 MarI am going to Copenhagen and Sweden in June (hello David Swenson), and I am very much looking forward to some Scandinavian design (goodbye credit card).
I love this Swedish apartment:
Images via Desire to Inspire
Backbent
26 MarWell finally. Three years of ashtanga and here I am standing up from backbends. Something happened to my body in the last two weeks and my flexibility and strength both went up a notch; most significantly my flexibility. And then on Saturday, TA-DA, up I stood from urdhva dhanurasana.
I’ve been waiting for this moment for months, reading about technique, watching endless You Tube videos and finally after a few weeks of practicing at home without any assistance from a teacher (and just a friendly wall) it happened. And I did do a little whooping and dancing, but not as much as I thought I would; because when it actually happened, it wasn’t really as hard as I thought it would be.
I let some stuff go in the last month; more specifically I intentionally let some stuff go to create space for new people and things. And they arrived; and with them my flexibility increased, my upper back opened and I had some definite happy hormones coursing through my veins.
A teacher once said to me that when I stood up finally (and apparently I’ve been on the brink for months), all sorts of things would change in my life. It’s scary and terrifying to both drop back and stand up from a backbend … in fact it feels sometimes near impossible, with everything you’ve ever been afraid of suddenly right up in your face. The same teacher said that in finding my courage to stand up, I’d find my courage to stand up for myself in life.
I think she may just be right.
Resoultion 101
19 JanI’m back from a delicious holiday and almost fully back into my work year. It’s not easy. I’ve spent the last two weeks booking holidays and yoga workshops for 2012, which has gone some way to boosting my ‘looking forward to’ quotient. I’ve also, since I landed (thump!) back from dreamy Mozambique, put together a list of resolutions, which looks something like this:
- Joy board
I did a joy boarding exercise last night, which is a creative couple of hours where you let your mind go and page through various magazines looking for images that make your heart sing (attaching no meaning/judgements to the images that attract you; i.e. no “that’s really materialistic/superficial and so not me”). These were them, and they (and what they represent) are where my joy is at for 2012.
Not everything is literal (although a man covered in whipped-cream might well be): for instance luxury items may symbolise wealth, upping fees in line with worth, demanding a little more pay for services rendered; while fit bodies could mean getting in shape, or in my case, a more groundedness/rootedness in the body.
It’s a deeply personal activity, and can offer some insights into where you are in your life, where your priorities lie right now, and what you actually really, really want. And it should leave you feeling happy, joyful and excited for the future.
Jen x
Fast and furious (kind of)
7 DecIt’s funny how a fast works. Day 1 is easy peasy. Day 2 is hell. And day 3 is still pretty hellish, but manageable. And on all 3 days your relationship with food, and thus your body, is exposed. It’s a highly uncomfortable process.
I’ve just finished a 3 day juice fast. Today I break the fast, and let me tell you, breaking a fast is about as interesting as being on a fast. It’s hard to decide what I feel like eating – the past three days I’ve wanted tea and biscuits … a lot. But now I’m not sure what the hell I feel like eating. My stomach feels tender and everything I place in my mouth is contemplated; which I guess is the point.
I also am very much aware of how I distract myself from myself with food; how food is both a reward and punishment when I’m feeling miserable, and a trip to the kitchen cupboard is a nice way of circumventing painful and/or stressful thoughts.
Since a teenager I’ve had a complicated relationship with food (pretty much the status quo for every woman in the world). It’s certainly become less complicated the older I’ve become, the more therapeutic processes I’ve committed to, and the more yoga I’ve practiced. But drinking juice three times a day and nothing else (except water) is one way to bring yourself face-to-face with your food desires and cravings, and how you are feeling when you have them (and how you feel when all you can have is a cucumber, carrot, celery, ginger and apple juice … not happy is the answer!).
It’s also a good way to really appreciate the effect food has on the body. My practice this week while fasting has varied from elated, to dismal, light and fantastic, to light-headed and weak. And so as I slowly start adding variety, whole-foods and protein back into my diet, I’m going to watch what happens to my morning practices. What we eat is so very many things – comfort, culture, social connection, reward, desire, loneliness, heartache – but mainly its fundamental to how we operate in the world, and the quality of our experience therein.
Fuel, plain and simple. But then there’s nothing plain and simple ever, is there?
These two blogs make my foodie, fast-breaking day. Enjoy.
www.greenkitchenstories.com
- www.mynewroots.blogspot.com
Jen xx
Thanks for coming November
28 NovThis has been a week I’d rather forget (and believe me, I’m all about seeing patterns and learning from them, etc, etc, but damn the last 7 days have kicked my ass!). In fact November (I usually love November as it’s my birthday month and indicates all sorts of much anticipated things like summer holidays, beaches, sea swimming and sleeping in late), has been a month from hell. Really. November 2011 almost had me in the ground (or at least on some serious coping medication).
And the last weekend in November pulled out all the stops and said: “Hey, bitch, you are 30 and awesome and everything, but for fuck sakes can you please sort your shit out!” Take three ex-boyfriends, one foot-in-mouth friend, too much wine, some insane blasts from the past, a long-desired unrequited flame, a bad case of an inability to say ‘no’ and some wild hormones, and you have the following:
- Exhaustion on a very basic level (and finally making some decisions because something had to give)
- A realisation that even when money is good, toxic work environments contaminate your soul (and may led to homicide)
- Ex-boyfriends arriving in your space literally one behind the other is something to take note of. Some represent a youthful love that has a special place in your heat always, but is so very far removed from who you are now; some represent something you’ve always wanted, never had, and on reflection may not want at all anymore; and some just leave a bitter-sweet taste in your mouth and a desire to shake your head and shout “Really?! Really?!”.
- Being on The Pill is not a joke and the beginning of that journey shouldn’t be taken lightly, because: goodbye contraceptive pill, hello mad moods and a body in turmoil.
- When I am unable to practice every morning, I need to reassess. When I am hating practicing, my body hurts all over and I keep hitting snooze, taking a few days off is ok.
- Thank God for the lightness of retail (thank you Anthropologie):
A change in decades and a decade of changes
3 NovThis weekend is a birthday weekend. A 30th birthday weekend. Here’s what happens when you change digits so monumentally (and turning 30 is a big deal, let nobody tell you otherwise):
- You realise that you were a jerk at 21 to think that everyone over 26 had one foot in the grave (and that they had life all figured out)
- You have decided who you love and who you don’t – you have a select group of friends who you respect, admire and who make you laugh. It’s awesome
- You’ve had your heart shattered, indulged in some pretty crazy obsessive behaviour (in the name of love of course), usually succumbed to some pretty intense depression, taken some drugs, partied like you should (and thought you should), slept with inappropriate people, kissed people of the same sex for the attention, hated your body, loved your body, mistreated your body
- You have worked your way through your issues, sometimes paying years’ worth of therapy bills. You can now eloquently describe your stuff and why it’s there (even if you’re still not sure how not to repeat those same old patterns)
- You’ve experimented – sexually, with your career, with your diet, with your chemicals, with your style
- You know what you believe in – things like vegetarianism, living as green a life as possible, buying organic, local and in season
- You have identified the big loves in your life – the important, significant relationships that you’ll still be thinking about when you are 94. Maybe they never worked out, but there will always be one or two people that give you goosebumps just thinking about them; people you will love forever
- You’ve discovered the strength of both hormones and the sun
- You’ve travelled with just a backpack and haven’t given much thought to putting money away for a rainy day
- You don’t really care so much what other people think
- You know what you like, who you are and what you will and won’t accept
- You also know that what you know isn’t really all that much, and that having an open-mind is your biggest asset
- You’ve learnt through lengthening and strengthening that all the hype about yoga isn’t just hype
- You know that people change; everything changes. All the time. Your joy is your number one priority.
I don’t really feel very different to what I did at 27 (that’s the age I still think I am), but I feel way different to what I did at 21 (thank God). 2011 has been a wild but wonderful year – pretty much 3 years in the space of 11 months – and although I didn’t really have a list of things that I ‘would be’ or ‘would have’ at 30, I do feel like my 30th year has been bloody phenomenal, with so many things coming together (sometimes through coming apart). I by no means have very much figured out, but I can say that I am happy: being the age I am now is flippingawesome.com.
Weekend recap
10 OctI’ve outdone myself this year. And now my body is outdone. A couple of months with Olivier, travelling Ashtanga teacher, and I feel like I need a long moment on my bed. Ahimsa may need to be reevaluated.
My week/weekend (despite lack of sleep) was a very cool one. Here’s a recap:
- There’s such a thing as too much yoga
- Teaching kids makes me happy (although I’m still feeling stressed about being “fun enough”)
- It’s almost time for my 30th birthday and although I’m feeling freaked out about aging, I’m also relieved that this year has been one where so many things have come together (and apart) for me. Finally I’m able to balance happiness and sadness, and feel deep-down that my days are filled with the ‘right’ things and people
- The desire to leave SA is still strong, but I’ve come to realise that I enjoy the depth of relationships I have when I’m at home – I’m not really a skipping along the surface kind of person
- There’s a tension in the air at the moment – not necessarily a bad one, just a stretched feeling, as though everyone is being pushed into discomfort. Without a doubt this year people are having to deal with their shit
- Coldplay push my melancholy button in just the right way
We're at Coldplay!
- A musician on stage is an irresistible aphrodisiac
- Everyday I become more aware of the many layered nature of yoga – the benefits are immediate, but the deeper layers of the practice take years to reveal themselves, possibly because it takes years to become aware of the subtleties
- Once is a mistake, twice is a choice
- Next year is the year I buy a horse
Jen x
no oppikoppi
7 AugLast week was a quiet blogging week. In fact that was the only part of the week that was quiet, with the rest being packed with work, yoga and antihistamines. But it was a good week too … I feel best when I am busy, productive and participating in the economic climate.
Here’s what I learnt this weekend:
- Spring has poked its head out of winter’s duvet … soft, lime baby leaves and new shoots are appearing. It’s my favourite time of year. And added to that, the swallows will be back soon. Happiness.
- The busier I am the more time I have and the more energy I have to do stuff. It may not be that way for extended periods of time, but patches of frenetic work between consistently busy is seriously motivating.
- Human beings are insecure. Even the ones you think are robustly self confident: there’s always someone’s opinion they value, the person who has the capacity to make them question their worth.
- Tell people you value them and that you love them. It’s not always easy to say … but it’s always good to hear
- There are some ex-boyfriends that you phone and there is still a connection, a missing, a longing, and there are those who you speak to and there is … nothing. Nothing but sadness and memories of the way things once were. In both cases it’s best to make a cup of tea … and paint your nails instead.
- Contrary to popular opinion I have body issues, and this week was one where my body love was tested … by cellulite. Seriously, what is it all about? I feel a little defeated.
- There’s a sailor on my mind. This telepathy thing is harder than I thought
It’s a dog’s life
17 JanWell almost a week in India. My body is sore and tired from yoga (luckily a day off yesterday).
There are stray dogs everywhere. It’s hard to take. And the strange thing is that there are pedigreed dogs kept indoors all day and walked in the very early hours of the morning. In Thailand it was the same story, but with small, fluffy pooches, but here it’s big dogs - labs, great Danes, golden retrievers and bull mastiffs. And then hundreds of pavement specials littering the streets. It’s terribly sad and I’m having to restrain myself from taking them all home (and catching mange and rabies in the process 
)
Here are some pics to set the Mysore scene. Unfortunately they don’t really represent the chaos and noise accurately!
