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My Monday

28 May

Thanks TED

23 Apr

Perfectly ties in with my previous post.

Things I learnt this weekend

23 Apr
  • The friends I have are some of the best people in the world
  • Unexpected things happen when you take your power back
  • Even more unexpected things happen when you say ‘yes!’ to people, to events, to life
  • A long distance call can save a Sunday
  • I love women.  It’s a pity men make my bones melt
  • Men are mostly stupid (throw rocks at them)
  • Even if you’ve known someone for years and years you can still miss each other when it comes to explaining matters of the heart
  • It’s never really about the sex
  • And it’s never fun not getting what you really, really want
  • Forthright.  Honest.  Authentic.  Tell someone you love them (and put aside your expectations)
  • Magic sometimes happens at rock bottom

It wasn’t the best weekend I’ve ever had; but it was jam-packed with emotion, conclusions, disappointment and some truth-telling.

Things I learnt this week

13 Apr
  • Jo Malone Wild Fig and Cassis is flipping intoxicating.  I’d jump straight into bed with me if I could.  Really.
  • I have my backbends, but now I’m terrified of losing them.  Like really scared that I just won’t know how to stand up or drop back any more.  Poof!
  • Yoga leaves no room for wool-pulling over my own eyes.  I’ve had an anxious, distracted week and that anxiety and distraction has not dissipated while hanging out in kapotasana … in fact, it’s heightened to the point where I’m in child, on my mat, wondering how on earth I’m ever going to get up.  Through yoga I’ve become so aware of where my emotions sit in my body – twitching feet, aching nausea, restless tossing and turning at night, and gnawing anxiety in my belly.  Yoga forces me to deal with everything I feel, immediately … sometimes I’d rather eat a slab of chocolate and drink alcohol, but mostly I’m glad that I cannot duck and dive facing my stuff.
  • There’s nothing like family to make you examine your beliefs, prejudices and issues.
  • There’s also nothing like a pretty, waif-like blonde, studying mathematics masters (and getting 100% for all her exams) to make you question your own judgemental jumped-to conclusions.
  • Tea solves many problems.

And finally, some Easter humour:

Hello weekend.

xx

Backbent

26 Mar

Well finally.  Three years of ashtanga and here I am standing up from backbends.  Something happened to my body in the last two weeks and my flexibility and strength both went up a notch; most significantly my flexibility.  And then on Saturday, TA-DA, up I stood from urdhva dhanurasana.

I’ve been waiting for this moment for months, reading about technique, watching endless You Tube videos and finally after a few weeks of practicing at home without any assistance from a teacher (and just a friendly wall) it happened.  And I did do a little whooping and dancing, but not as much as I thought I would; because when it actually happened, it wasn’t really as hard as I thought it would be.

I let some stuff go in the last month; more specifically I intentionally let some stuff go to create space for new people and things.  And they arrived; and with them my flexibility increased, my upper back opened and I had some definite happy hormones coursing through my veins.

A teacher once said to me that when I stood up finally (and apparently I’ve been on the brink for months), all sorts of things would change in my life.  It’s scary and terrifying to both drop back and stand up from a backbend … in fact it feels sometimes near impossible, with everything you’ve ever been afraid of suddenly right up in your face.  The same teacher said that in finding my courage to stand up, I’d find my courage to stand up for myself in life.

I think she may just be right.

Resoultion 101

19 Jan

I’m back from a delicious holiday and almost fully back into my work year.  It’s not easy.  I’ve spent the last two weeks booking holidays and yoga workshops for 2012, which has gone some way to boosting my ‘looking forward to’ quotient.  I’ve also, since I landed (thump!) back from dreamy Mozambique, put together a list of resolutions, which looks something like this:

Joy board

I did a joy boarding exercise last night, which is a creative couple of hours where you let your mind go and page through various magazines looking for images that make your heart sing (attaching no meaning/judgements to the images that attract you; i.e. no “that’s really materialistic/superficial and so not me”).  These were them, and they (and what they represent) are where my joy is at for 2012. 

 
Not everything is literal (although a man covered in whipped-cream might well be): for instance luxury items may symbolise wealth, upping fees in line with worth, demanding a little more pay for services rendered; while fit bodies could mean getting in shape, or in my case, a more groundedness/rootedness in the body. 
 
It’s a deeply personal activity, and can offer some insights into where you are in your life, where your priorities lie right now, and what you actually really, really want.  And it should leave you feeling happy, joyful and excited for the future.
 
Jen x

Thanks for coming November

28 Nov

This has been a week I’d rather forget (and believe me, I’m all about seeing patterns and learning from them, etc, etc, but damn the last 7 days have kicked my ass!).  In fact November (I usually love November as it’s my birthday month and indicates all sorts of much anticipated things like summer holidays, beaches, sea swimming and sleeping in late), has been a month from hell.  Really.  November 2011 almost had me in the ground (or at least on some serious coping medication).

And the last weekend in November pulled out all the stops and said: “Hey, bitch, you are 30 and awesome and everything, but for fuck sakes can you please sort your shit out!”  Take three ex-boyfriends, one foot-in-mouth friend, too much wine, some insane blasts from the past, a long-desired unrequited flame, a bad case of an inability to say ‘no’ and some wild hormones, and you have the following:

  • Exhaustion on a very basic level (and finally making some decisions because something had to give)
  • A realisation that even when money is good, toxic work environments contaminate your soul (and may led to homicide)
  • Ex-boyfriends arriving in your space literally one behind the other is something to take note of.  Some represent a youthful love that has a special place in your heat always, but is so very far removed from who you are now; some represent something you’ve always wanted, never had, and on reflection may not want at all anymore; and some just leave a bitter-sweet taste in your mouth and a desire to shake your head and shout “Really?! Really?!”. 
  • Being on The Pill is not a joke and the beginning of that journey shouldn’t be taken lightly, because: goodbye contraceptive pill, hello mad moods and a body in turmoil. 
  • When I am unable to practice every morning, I need to reassess.  When I am hating practicing, my body hurts all over and I keep hitting snooze, taking a few days off is ok.
  • Thank God for the lightness of retail (thank you Anthropologie):

 

Vegetarian guilt

13 Nov

I braced myself and watched Earthlings yesterday. Ok, so I watched the trailer, but that was more than enough.  I was 4 seconds in and sobbing, and 20 seconds in I was gagging.  It’s the kind of movie where the images live with you for days afterwards, and part of me wants to jump off a high building because I feel so utterly devastated by the state of the humans in this world.

I’ve been a vegetarian for 16 years and seeing documentaries like this reminds me why I became a vegetarian at 14 and why I still am one.  I’ve never been a preachy veggie, but there are days, like today, where I feel pretty damn militant.  I think the problem is that so many people have no idea where their meat comes from (and it’s not from the meat aisle in Woolies, FYI…) and they remain completely (and mostly by choice) uneducated about the treatment of the world’s animals (and not just in terms of the meat industry: fur, testing on animals, puppy mills, hunting, whaling…it’s an almost inexhaustible list). 

[I get that you like meat, but, really, you like it that much?  And, no, you do not need it. Really.]

And then I get to thinking about my own place in the world, and maybe I need to re-evaluate.  Perhaps being vegetarian is not enough.  I was a vegan for 2 years, many years ago, and damn, veganism is hard work, and shit, I like milk chocolate and dairy products, but maybe that isn’t the point.  Just because it’s hard and hampers my social life, doesn’t mean that I should be eating animal products, or anything that supports the exploitation of animals – maybe it’s about making sacrifices for the things you really believe in.

It also means not buying leather handbags, belts, shoes and flipping gorgeous leather biker jackets; it means being educated about eating locally and sustainably, knowing the lifecycle of the food you consume, recycling, and checking the contents of all the products you use and eat/drink, even if they happen to be products that promise to takes years off your age, or are things you love to eat. 

It becomes completely unnerving if you start to think about the implications of everything you do and everything you buy, and I feel a quite defeated, I have to say.  What impact does my veganism have on the people slamming clubs into seal skulls, or those walking through the litres of terror and blood on abattoir floors every day?

I’m not sure where to next.  Sign up with Green Peace and hope to make a difference in a world consumed by money and small-mindedness, or give it all up and sit atop a mountain in the Himalayas with just the clothes on my back, meditating and living on air and water?

http://www.earthlings.com/swf/preview-earthlings.swf
Make the Connection. EARTHLINGS.com

A change in decades and a decade of changes

3 Nov

This weekend is a birthday weekend.  A 30th birthday weekend.  Here’s what happens when you change digits so monumentally (and turning 30 is a big deal, let nobody tell you otherwise):

  • You realise that you were a jerk at 21 to think that everyone over 26 had one foot in the grave (and that they had life all figured out)
  • You have decided who you love and who you don’t – you have a select group of friends who you respect, admire and who make you laugh.  It’s awesome
  • You’ve had your heart shattered, indulged in some pretty crazy obsessive behaviour (in the name of love of course), usually succumbed to some pretty intense depression, taken some drugs, partied like you should (and thought you should), slept with inappropriate people, kissed people of the same sex for the attention, hated your body, loved your body, mistreated your body
  • You have worked your way through your issues, sometimes paying years’ worth of therapy bills.  You can now eloquently describe your stuff and why it’s there (even if you’re still not sure how not to repeat those same old patterns)
  • You’ve experimented – sexually, with your career, with your diet, with your chemicals, with your style
  • You know what you believe in – things like vegetarianism, living as green a life as possible, buying organic, local and in season
  • You have identified the big loves in your life – the important, significant relationships that you’ll still be thinking about when you are 94.  Maybe they never worked out, but there will always be one or two people that give you goosebumps just thinking about them; people you will love forever
  • You’ve discovered the strength of both hormones and the sun
  • You’ve travelled with just a backpack and haven’t given much thought to putting money away for a rainy day
  • You don’t really care so much what other people think
  • You know what you like, who you are and what you will and won’t accept
  • You also know that what you know isn’t really all that much, and that having an open-mind is your biggest asset
  • You’ve learnt through lengthening and strengthening that all the hype about yoga isn’t just hype
  • You know that people change; everything changes.  All the time.  Your joy is your number one priority. 

I don’t really feel very different to what I did at 27 (that’s the age I still think I am), but I feel way different to what I did at 21 (thank God).  2011 has been a wild but wonderful year – pretty much 3 years in the space of 11 months – and although I didn’t really have a list of things that I ‘would be’ or ‘would have’ at 30, I do feel like my 30th year has been bloody phenomenal, with so many things coming together (sometimes through coming apart).  I by no means have very much figured out, but I can say that I am happy: being the age I am now is flippingawesome.com.

Beyond November

2 Nov

It’s a case of over-commiting and under-delivering, which is not a great place to be as a freelancer.  It’s where I find myself now though, with the end of the year hurtling towards us.

I have a string of jobs on the go, with every minute of every day accounted for.  I also have a whole lot of amazing ideas crashing around my head and I’d love to devote some proper time to them (and get a business plan penned), but there isn’t any.  So I am waiting for the beginning of December when everything should start settling – the schools break for the year (no more kids yoga), one of my contacts ends, and work pretty much starts winding down to shutdown, Kenton, Cape Town and Mozambique.  Holding on!

One thing I’m tying my hardest not to cut (when all I want is more sleep) is my practice. 

Ashtanga is usually practiced in a studio without mirrors, which is something I like.  I’m not terribly fond of the observation of my reflection, although there is something to be said for it, as I discovered:

  • My chaturanga is a bit odd in terms of symmetry and I can’t decide if that’s why my elbows are sore (golfer’s elbow, can you believe it?!  The irony: I go out of my way to avoid golfers, who eat away weekends walking with their mates, chasing little white balls)
  • My practice is different – sometimes I forget (although I say it to my students all the time), but the more you practice, the more your body changes (it’s actually a no-brainer)
  • I have muscles and my body has changed considerably in the last 3 years
  • A look in the mirror really illustrates the point: We can sometimes feel so very different in our body’s to how we look to the world and how the world perceives us
  • A mirror is a distraction: good for alignment and a lightbulb moment, but then it’s better to put aside reflections.  And that goes for every day.  Throw away mirrors and scales :)

Thanks Kino:

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